Sometimes I struggle for a blog topic…
And sometimes I have too many.
That’s where I am today. Then I realized Mother’s Day really is “just around the corner,” so here I am. And here’s the truth: I have a love/hate thing going with Mother’s Day.
On the one hand, I think it’s wonderful that we stop, take a breath, and think about the impact of all the mothers in our lives. Not just my mom (whom I described at her memorial service as a “great dame”), but also my grandmother, who taught me so much about making room at the table (literally and figuratively) and my mother-in-law, who taught in a rural elementary school to pay her way through the University of Georgia during the Depression.
On the other hand, I think the Hallmark-card, gift-giving, Sunday-brunch side of Mother’s Day can be exhausting, expensive and — yes, I’ll say it — stressful. It’s about expectations, of course, and I’m as guilty as anyone. There were so many years when I was working and hosting a family dinner, buying presents, sending cards, and admittedly also being “feted” by my own kids (the free breakfasts at MacDonald’s really were the best!).
Later, when my kids were away at school and then off launching their adult lives in other cities, a friend expressed regret that they “would not be home for Mother’s Day.” That gave me pause; was she serious? Was it a “coming home” kind of holiday or a “don’t-forget-to-call-Mom-Sunday.” I vote for the latter. Let’s not get crazy about this. (As a mother, I was pretty proud of the fact that my son and daughter were out there succeeding on their own in the world.)
One of the really great things about my mom was that she was more than happy to dial back expectations. I took this lesson to heart. She understood how tough and “unnecessary” (one of her favorite words) some of this “fussing” could be.
Mom had a demanding career running a major department in a hospital. She was very, very good at what she did. She took her responsibilities seriously and often worked weekends and holidays. And she did it starting in the early sixties, when most women did not work outside the home. My dad always backed her up, but I think it was often a somewhat lonely stance. It took years for her friends and family to really understand and appreciate her professionalism. Mom, Dad and I learned years ago how to “bend” a celebration around other circumstances.
Celebrating the mother, not the day
I offered a glimpse into my mom, here, where I talked about her example of a lifelong friendship, and now you know a little about her career. Mom’s experience as a working woman was a huge support to me throughout my working life. She understood the ying and yang between family and work. She understood the pride in a job well done and the flip side, when you were having a truly horrible day.
One of my favorite memories of my mother’s work advice came on just such a day for me. I cannot even remember all that was going wrong, just that my day was totally off the rails and she happened to call me. I was pretty abrupt about what a bad day I was having and she sympathized. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, then added, “Maybe you could just crawl under your desk and hide for awhile.”
We both burst out laughing, and suddenly I had my perspective back. A little Mom wisdom, a little Mom humor, then get back up, put one foot in front of the other, and move on.
I’ve remembered that afternoon call so many times since, especially the laugh that followed. It still makes me smile. Thanks, Mom.
Wishing you a wonderful Mother’s Day and a few quiet moments to remember the mothers in your life.
See you next time.
10 thoughts on “Today the topic is Mother’s Day”
This is so lovely! And I love the picture of your mother – what an open, happy and pretty women she looks to have been. I think of my mom and, like you, all the moms in my life, and you’re correct- we learn from all of them. Happy Mother’s Day!
Sigh! Your mom was a classy dame and so nice to all of your friends. Moms are so special and so missed–especially the second Sunday of May.
Oh, and reading this I was thinking what fun your mom was at your 40th birthday celebration! She introduced herself as the mother of the bride! Hav e a good Mother’s Day.
She looks much like I remember her the few times I met her. Can you believe my mother is still living. We plan to spend the next couple of days with her, and attend HS graduation of a great niece. Wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day. Ruth
How wonderful to still have your mother! Enjoy the weekend. Good to hear from you.
What a wonderful post! All the memories! And, a gentle nudge to remember all the “moms” in our lives. Happy Mother’s Day to you, Janet!
Ah, Jody, if you were not already my cousin, I would have to adopt you. Thanks and happy Mother’s Day to you too.
Loved the post! Rose
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Thank you! Happy Mother’s Day!
I enjoyed reading this, Janet. I have been struggling with defining the right balance of career and family for myself. I want to think I’ve found it recently with a work-from-home arrangement. I envy women who know with confidence that they have chosen the right path, like you and your mom.
I agree that Mother’s Day has morphed into another obligation to be filled with presents and have a brunch. This year I told my kids that I don’t want any gifts, just flowers.